Twelve Things the Republican Party might learn from this election.

Twelve Things the Republican Party might learn from this election



To my Republican friends:  I know what you are feeling right now.  We went through it in 2004.  We survived and you will too.
But here's the thing.   Buried in that campaign are some nuggets of true wisdom.  As Ben Franklin once said, That which hurts instructs.  Perhaps this isn't the best teaching moment and I really do not write this in a spirit of gloating (it was a close, painfully expensive election after all). I simply hope that we can stop the food fight, grow up, roll up our sleeves and work together as adults.
In that spirit, I offer you twelve things Republicans might learn from this election.

Don't lie.  It worked with Iraq, it worked (to a certain extent) with the intelligence failures leading to 9-11, but I really do think the American people have a learning curve.   Don't talk about Jeep moving jobs to China when the CEOs of those companies have internet connections and are bound to hear those whoppers sooner or later.   Don't say the economy is going in the wrong direction when you know damn well that a.) it was in freefall when President Obama took office and b.) it may not be moving as FAST as you like, but the DIRECTION has been UP since it bottomed in 2009.  Don't talk about a War on Religion (see below) that does not exist.

Don't tell the truth.  I know this sounds contradictory, but if you are going to run on a platform by the 1% for the 1% don't ever actually say that out loud, especially if someone might be recording you.  If you do lie, lie consistently, otherwise the times you do tell the truth, we will discover not just the fact that you were lying all along but the complete disdain you have for most Americans, including soldiers, veterans, retirees, the poor and disabled.  In an age of tiny cameras and YouTube there are no closed doors anymore.  To solve this problem, how about writing a platform and running a candidate that honestly represents all Americans?  It would end up being a lot easier since you don't have to keep track of what version of Romney you are supposed to be today.

Don't make up goofy stuff about the president.  If you don't like his policies, his values, or even the color of his skin (I'm looking at you, Glenn), just say so.  People might even forgive you for saying that you are harboring a little racism even in 2012, but it just sounds weird to have Donald Trump out there fronting your latest conspiracy about his birth certificate or college transcripts or a black power transformative agenda rooted in Kenyan anticolonialism (Newt).  Just say it:  he does not look like your image of a president which is closer to George W. Bush on a circling aircraft carrier in a custom made flight suit in front of a Mission Accomplished banner.  That sort of thing.

Stop attacking women.  They make up half the electorate and they vote.  Perhaps your staff didn't tell you that, but most women, even those who might agree that abortion rights should be restricted a bit here and there, do not like the idea of having men in government coming up with all sorts of nutty ideas about how they are going to force rape victims to get a vaginal ultrasound probe that doctors say they don't need and women say they don't want.  And for god's sake drop the whole contraception thing.  It's weird.  That was settled law a century ago and the science hasn't changed all that much.

Don't misrepresent science.  If you don't think oil companies and coal companies who contribute mightily to your campaigns would be as profitable if they were regulated a bit more or had to compete with a thriving solar or wind power industry, just say so.   Some Americans might forgive you.  But don't make jokes about not intending to do anything about rising sea levels because those rising sea levels might rise in a major, election-changing way days before the election.  American education might not be as strong as it should be in this area, but most Americans trust NASA, the National Institute of Health, the CDC, and scientists in general far more than they trust lawyers in suits writing laws saying that climate change doesn't exist (or that abortion causes breast cancer or never is needed to save the life of the mother).

Don't talk about rape except to say how you would prevent it.  Rape is not funny and there is no way to put it in a cute little evangelical package and use it as a vehicle to sell your anti-abortion stance to the American people.  Most (but not all) rape victims are women and you are not going to get any mileage with them parading men in front of the cameras telling them how their bodies have way to "shut that whole thing down" (if it's "legitimate" of course) or how it's a gift from god (yes, you were referring to the baby, not the rape, but no rape, no baby).  It's your weakest argument against abortion and take my advice - just don't go there.  Ever.

Vet your candidate.  If you demand to see all of his tax returns before he runs, guess what - the American people are going to want to also.  Maybe his tax returns are as boring as his anecdotes about his wife falling on her rump on a stage once (true story), but the more they are withheld and the more Mrs. Romney said she had told "you people" all we needed to know, the more our imaginations went to work.  It's like an obscenity.  Just say the word.  Bleeping it out only makes our mind fill in the blanks with all sorts of dastardly things that might not even be there.  And if they are... well, perhaps the GOP should run another candidate with less dirt.

Stop talking about a war on religion.   Wars involve killing people.  Wars on religion often involve rounding people up, putting them in ghettos or camps, then killing them.   Asking religiously-affiliated universities and hospitals (that receive massive amount of federal funds) to play by the same level, federally-mandated playing field as everyone else is not the same as the Holocaust or the Crusades.  No one is forcing bishops to use contraception, but if they offer their employees healthcare, that plan has to include copayment-free access to them.

If you are running on a platform that is essentially that of President Bush, at least have the decency to invite him to campaign and to the Convention.   It's hard to sell another package of tax cuts and a more muscular foreign policy (does this mean another war?) to the American people without explaining why this would be less disastrous than the first time we tried that.  And who better to explain the nuances of how a Romney first term would really be a Bush third term, than W himself?  Admittedly he is not the most articulate of spokesmen, and probably has an awful lot of brush to clear on his ranch, but he, like Romney before the first debate, can be coached.  Not having him even attend, much less speak at a Convention that highlights and amplifies all of his policies is just plain weird.  His silence on the campaign trail was palpable.

Don't try to buy an election - it's a waste of money.  You guys spent billions (and so did the Democrats admittedly) raising limitless corporate donations, but even Karl Rove and the Koch brothers were slapped down this cycle.  It doesn't mean you can't dust yourself off and figure out a way to come roaring back in 2 or 4 years, but you need more than money.  You also need honesty, a commitment to reality as the rest of us know it (facts and stuff), and a plan that is different than the one that got us in the mess you criticize President Obama for not having fixed fast enough.  It still comes down to one citizen, one vote, and more of us are voting than ever before.  And most of us don't watch Fox.

Don't exploit a terrorist attack for political gain.  All right, admittedly it worked for you in 2004 when you almost literally ran on the legacy of 9-11 (a masterful twist since this happened on your watch).  But don't try to create a conspiracy over the tragic deaths of 4 Americans abroad when you guys ran an election on your failure to prevent the deaths of almost 3,000 Americans.   You can't have it both ways, as much as you would like to.  And when Americans die abroad, please have the decency to keep your "unraveling" theories to yourself.  It's mean-spirited and at least one of the victim's relatives asked you to stop.

Finally:  Leave Big Bird out of this.  He may have a funny voice but he is like ten feet tall and is a hell of a lot more popular than your candidate.



And before you get out your tea bags and assault rifles and orthographically-challenged signs demanding your country back (again), please consider how that turned out the first time.  We got healthcare done anyway, the Supreme Court upheld it, and - what do you know? - President Obama is still your Commander-in-Chief.  The American people chose him not once but twice.

Be adults.  Let's work together on real problems.  God knows we have enough to solve.