And then another man made a competing GOD and the problems got worse.
The first man told the second man that his god was bigger and better.
No, said the second man. Your god is false and my god is very, very made that you made yours.
I didn't make it, said the first. He was ... um ... always here. I have this really old book (that I didn't write - I SWEAR!) to prove it.
You're just making it up, said the second man. I have this even older book. And my book says it's the ONLY book and that all other books are FALSE.
That's funny, said the first man. My book says the same thing. But it says that your book and your god are even FALSER. In fact, my god is so awesome, he doesn't even let us make pictures of him. So there.
Hmm, said the second man. I will pray and pray and pray to my god to destroy you and all who think like you do so that all doubt will be removed.
- That's not very nice.
- I never said my god was nice, just really, really powerful. And I didn't make him up. I swear.
- [Waiting] OK, so where is the lightning bolt or whatever?
- Umm, I don't know. Oh wait! It says here that my god will wait until you are dead to punish you.
Then you'll REALLY regret having doubted me - I mean god.
- Oh, how convenient. Why doesn't he just zap me now? asked the first man.
- Because... because that would make it too easy. Then people would just believe him because he revealed himself. He likes them to choose blindly, hoping they get it right. If they don't, look out!
- You're just making that up!
- No, really, it says here in this old book that other people wrote a long time ago. Therefore it must be true.
- How do I know you just didn't write that book yourself? Or that people a long time ago wrote it down wrong? Or were just making it up?
- They wouldn't do that. People in the olden days didn't lie. Things that happened long ago must be true.
- I don't believe you. I am going to go celebrate my god in my way.
- But you can't.
- What do you mean, I can't?
- You will make my god really mad. You MUST worship him. I - I mean HE - insists!
- My god will get even madder if I don't worship him. Renounce your god for mine!
- No, you renounce YOUR god for mine! screamed the first man.
- Be reasonable - one of us is going to have to renounce a god. Why not renounce yours? He's false anyway.
- I can't renounce something that doesn't exist!
- Blasphemer!
... and with that, the second man killed the first man to prove how just and powerful his god was.
And they rounded up his followers, friends, and family, offering them a chance to repent and accept the One True Way which was now capitalized to show how Big It Was.
Yet, even with help from the community of the faithful, many could not make the final stretch and bring themselves to embrace the One True Faith.
So they and their animals were burned alive.
And all the people saw and were amazed. When they were asked if they now believed, they ALL now said yes. And the first religion was born.
Amen.
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