Citing Little-Known Scoring Rule, NFL Declares the Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl Champions, Stunning Fans

White House Weighs In:  "Disaster, HUGE Mistake"

Patriots Plan Petitions, Protests

Falcons Fuel Football Fans' Fury

By Mike Victor, UPDATED 9:45 PM ET

Running back James White celebrated one of his three touchdowns, only to be informed that they were not enough to defeat the Falcons. CreditDoug Mills/The New York Times

In a stunning development that is short to draw parallels with the 2016 presidential election, the National Football League has officially declared the Atlanta Falcons the winner of the 51st Super Bowl. Citing an obscure, rarely-invoked rule, the League override the score on the scoreboard, instead using an indirect scoring formula that weights points differently based on when in the game they were scored.

"Most fans don't realize it, but when their team scores a touchdown, they don't actually win six points,"  explained NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.  "Rather, they win a number of electors proportionally equal to those six points.  The electors meet meet after the game to certify the score and the victory. Normally, this is a formality, but the apparent tie at the end of the game in the so-called 'popular score' didn't really happen.   The game should have been called for Atlanta then and there, but we decided to go into overtime to boost ratings and make it more exciting.  The game was already decided, though, since even with their additional touchdown, the Falcons had more than enough electoral points to win."

A complicated weighting formula worked out early in the league's history as a compromise between the northern and southern franchises gives points scored during the first half more weight than those scored later.   "Nielsen ratings indicate that not as many people pay attention during the first half as the second, especially the second quarter during which many fans walk away to prepare for a halftime break.   Therefore, we decided to award points scored in the so-called flyover quarters since fans tend to fly over them without paying that much attention.  It seemed like a fair compromise when instituted and encouraged teams to focus more attention on these otherwise neglected quarters, doing all they could to score then and draw in more viewers."

The exact formula is complex, but it translates into more electors per point being sent to the final post-game college, as it is called, where the final score is certified.

The Patriots’ Chris Hogan threw his arms in the air as Danny Amendola completed a two-point conversion in the fourth quarter.  He didn't realize that based on the complex score-weighting formula the popular score victory would still translate into an electoral score loss.   CreditDoug Mills/The New York Times

The stunning override of the score drew immediate outrage and celebration, divided predictably along team loyalty lines.  "These are the rules of the game that everybody knew coming in," said an Atlanta fan who wish not to be identified since she had not yet safely gotten out of Houston.  "Did I know about the rules? Not really. Did I understand why they're there? Not at all.  But if you tell me that the Atlanta Falcons won, I don't really need to hear much else."

New England fans were understandably outraged.  "This is no way to score a ball game. It seems inherently unfair.  One point should translate into one point, not sometimes a point and sometimes less depending on when it's scored. That makes no sense."

Quarterback Tom Brady of New England immediately after hearing the news that his apparent victory was actually a loss.  "We won the popular score, that is the score most popular with the fans.  No one can take that away," he said.  

Greg Brady (of no relation to the New England quarterback or fictional television character), a historian of NFL history, said that he understood both sides of the argument. "This was a compromise that seemed to make sense early in the League's history when some franchises refuse to participate or grant television rights unless they were assured that they would be able to compete.   Southern teams at the time played a shorter game because of the heat and humidity, so tended to come out strong, then fade.  They wanted to make sure that they would not be dominated by the harder-playing northern competition that played 4 full quarters.   It's ironic that that difference was clearly on display last night.  Atlanta had a very strong early performance, when points happened to carry more weight, then faded.  They must have known going into the final minutes that they had this game wrapped up, no matter what New England did."

The exact weighting formula is complex and secret, but the initial weighting scheme gave points scored in the 4th quarter only 60% the weight of those scored in the 2nd.  "This was known as the so-called Three-Fifths Compromise.   In retrospect, the league probably should have gone to a direct scoring system long ago, but this arcane poorly understood system remains on the books."

New England quarterback Tom Brady was stunned to hear the news but immediately conceded.  "No game is as important as the integrity of all games.   Our sport is bigger than a single contest.  For the sake of the game and the integrity of the NFL, I am conceding, and urge my teammates and fans to do the same.  The peaceful awarding of Super Bowl titles is an American tradition of which we should all be proud.  I congratulate the Atlanta Falcons for a fantastic first two quarters, the quarters that we all know - or should - really count."

President Trump Weighs In

Brady's calm acceptance was the exception in the hours since the game.  The outrage reached the White House, where President Trump sent out a flurry of increasingly incoherent 3 a.m. tweets, stating that the outcome was a "disaster", a "catastrophe", the "greatest Injustice in sports history, ever.  Ever!"   He said that "Roger Goodell is terrible, the worst, a disaster!" as commissioner of the NFL and that he should "go back to what he does best - playing with monkeys," in a disjointed rant that seemed to indicate the president had confused Roger Goodell with primate researcher Jane Goodall.   "The guy is TOTALLY biased.  Always had it in for Tom Brady and the New England Patriots - AMERICA'S TEAM - it's in the NAME!"     

One of President Trump's 37 overnight and early morning Tweets about the game.

In an ironic twist, given his proud references to his own alleged wealth, Trump added:  "Did you know the guy makes over $44 mil a year?  What a waste.  The guy should be paying US, the fans, for emotional distress!  SO WRONG!  SO UNFAIR!"

In an apparent crude reference to "deflate-gate" in which Goodell suspended Broday for 4 games because of intentionally underinflated footballs, Trump tweeted:  "Instead of obsessing about how much air Brody blows in his balls, RG should get a good blow job himself.  Too uptight!  (Always works for me!)  Hell, I invite him to give me one in the Oval Office!  Here's your MONICA MOMENT, Roger!"
Trump encouraged fans to take to the streets to protest this "grave injustice," something that infuriated Houston law enforcement.   "We've never had a sitting president try to incite a riot before," said Police Commissioner Hubert Arturo "Art" Acevedo.   "I really hope he thinks before he tweets next time or has a staff member take away his phone."

Even Lady Gaga joined outraged fans who set fire to some businesses in downtown Houston after the president urged outraged Patriots fans to "take to the streets like all those pussy hat ladies."  The fires were quickly put out, several protesters, were arrested, and the White House may face lawsuits by the city of Houston for inciting a riot.  

Fortunately, only a few exhausted Patriot fans heeded the president's calls to "take to the streets like all those pussy hat ladies."  Most were probably in bed when the president added:  "Patriots victory HUGE, greatest and most lopsided score in NFL history, in ALL AMERICAN SPORTS HISTORY if not the WORLD!!"
He tweeted several theories for the difference in the popular score and the official outcome of the game:   "If it were not for so many ILLEGALS playing for the Atlanta Falcons - what AMERICAN mother calls her son JULIO?!?! - Atlanta would have scored no points at all!!!"

His last tweet of the night simply pointed out that "one of the so-called referees looked Mexican."

The White House webpage indicated that all of the thank you rallies Trump had scheduled to allow Patriots fans to express their gratitude for the president's support of their team had been cancelled.   "I'm a huge fan,"  the president said conveyed through Sean Spicer. "And I know that my backing the Patriots no doubt inspired the team to come from behind as they did.  Tom Brady owes a lot to me for his victory, which should not be taken away.  I will give him an opportunity to thank me later.  This so-called Atlanta victory is illegitimate in my book and I refuse to recognize it."

Sean Spicer elicited audible gasps when he stated that he the president wished to congratulate the New England Patriots for their 49 to nothing victory over Atlanta. When a journalist asked whether the president had actually seen the final score, Spicer said that the president believed the score was 49 to nothing.   When asked whether Spicer believed this was true, Spicer stated that yes, it was true that the president believed Atlanta never scored and several touchdowns and field goals by the Patriots went uncounted.  "The president has access to information that leads him to believe that the actual score was 49." When pressed, Spicer became combative and testy, stating that there are many ways of looking at a game, and many ways of scoring it.  "The president's is simply an alternative score.  He believes this was the actual outcome of the game and he is demanding an immediate inquiry into massive score rigging."

Russian Involvement Likely

Further complicating matters and drawing even more eerie parallels with this November's presidential election is the alleged involvement of Russian oddsmakers and bookies who may have been placing large bets on behalf of Russian oligarchs.   Several seven-figure bets were placed on the game, all betting on an Atlanta Falcons victory.  

The New York Times reported earlier in the season about allegations, confirmed by multiple sources close to an ongoing investigation, that the Russians hacked into the Patriot's computer servers and shared details of their plays and strategies with the Falcons.

The New England Patriots have bitterly complained about this before the game, and noted that the Atlanta had an uncanny ability to be in just the right place at the right time for some of their most elaborately worked out plays.  "This could not have happened by chance,"  said the Patriots head coach.  "We were hacked by the Russians, no doubt about it.  Atlanta didn't win this game - Moscow did."  
The Atlanta Falcons were dismissive of these charges.  "A football game is won or lost on the gridiron," said a spokesman.  "You can have all of the enemies plays beforehand, but if you can't execute you'll still lose the game.   New England simply played a weaker game and is now looking for excuses. I don't think that we need to investigate this matter any further. These charges are silly. Let's all just move on."

When asked if fans had a right to know if Putin himself might have meddled in the game, the spokesman laughed.  "Patriots say Putin is some kind of monster.  It's not like we're perfect or anything.  Besides, the guy has a right to enjoy a good football game and make a little money on the side if he wants."

When asked about comments he had made earlier in the season practically inviting the Russians to hack the Patriots system, he shrugged.  "Look, we know that Crooked, Lying Tom Brady already cheated with deflategate, so if the Russians could find extra evidence showing he's cheating again, it would be doing us all a favor. That's all I was saying."