Bill Maher's Shocking Conversion

April 1, 2014
The only constant in this world is that it will never be constant.  Prepare to be surprised.  I was so shocked to read this article in today's New York Times that I just clipped the entire thing:

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Television

Bill Maher Makes Shocking Conversion; Negotiating With 700 Club

By BILL CARTER  APRIL 1, 2014

Photo

Bill Maher made a stunning confession to air on his next episode of the HBO series, “Real Time With Bill Maher.” Credit Janet Van Ham/HBO

Bill Maher made little effort to hide his own contempt for many religious leaders, most of them fundamental Christians.  He recently went so far as to call God a "mass murderer" and a "psychopath".    So fans and critics alike will be shocked to learn that he now considers himself a born again Christian.  

On his weekly HBO talk show, “Real Time With Bill Maher,” this Friday night, Mr. Maher plans to announce his conversion and explain his sudden turn-around.  

“I know this will disappoint many of my fans, but after receiving thousands of calls and emails asking me to recant my views of God as depicted in the Bible at the time of the flood, it hit me:  even if he is a 'mass murderer', that doesn't mean God should not be feared and worshiped.  Hell, the more God is a bad ass, the MORE reason to worship him.  And this guy knows where you live!  I consider myself a smart guy and I've got to go with Pascal on this one."  Maher was making an apparent reference to what has become known as Pascal's Dilemma, the resolution of which is to worship God just in case God exists since the penalty for failing to worship an existent god is so much greater than the penalty for worshiping a non-existent one.
Maher says that the tipping point came when Answers in Genesis President and CEO Ken Ham called on Bill Maher to repent for his sins, end his "God-hating comments" and discontinue his "present spiritual state," because he truly feared for Maher's soul.  "So why does God allow Bill Maher to continue his increasing God-hating comments? He really is tempting God. It's as if he's saying, 'Come on God, I'm saying more and more outrageous things about You-come on-come and get me!  Bill Maher is blaming God for death because he does not want to accept that he is a sinner in need of salvation. He wants to be his own god-he shakes his fist at the God who created man and also provides the gift of salvation for those who will receive it."

"That did it," Maher admitted.  "He hit the nail on the head.  I was trying to taunt God to do something, hopefully on live television, and, yeah, I've got my own show, so what's next if not being my own god?"   Maher admits he was high at the time he had his epiphany but doesn't believe that in any way diminishes its authenticity.  "Look, you've read the Bible, right?  These guys were obviously all high when they wrote this stuff.  I always though that discredited them but then it hit me - those biblical authors knew how to party.  I am sure they would have been for legalization of pot today since without some far more serious stuff than marijuana, the bible never could have been written.  So the Bible - one of the greatest works of Western literature - has to be Exhibit A for the legalization of marijuana."

Ham said he is delighted to admit sinners such as Maher back into the fold even if he does not share his view that the biblical authors must have been altered by drugs.  "We will have to clarify a few points of Scripture with him, but he's new to this business of salvation."

Maher said that he and Ham spoke extensively by phone after Maher's fourth joint and although he doesn't remember much of the conversation, he is pretty certain they talked a lot about God.  

Maher's announcement stunned many of his own staff who were hoping it is some publicity stunt.  Scott Carter, the show’s executive producer said he will offer his resignation by the end of the week if Maher is seriously going to renounce everything he has stood for all these years.  
"I don't mean to be as intolerant as the other side," Carter said in an email.  "But this is deeply embarrassing and no doubt will turn off many of the humanist and atheist viewers who tuned in to Maher for intellectual and even spiritual support."

Maher shrugged off Carter's criticisms.  "Sure, we'll lose some viewers, but we'll get the whole 700 Club audience and that is one lucrative demographic.  These chumps have already shown they are willing to part with their money for just about nothing.  Imagine what they will pay for edgy, in-your-face comedy from an atheist-turned-Bible-thumper."  Maher was referring to a deal, still in its infancy, for a joint HBO-700 Club production called Real God Time with Bill Maher and Pat Robertson.

Pat Robertson was not available for comment, but a production assistant who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the negotiations said Maher's conversion, if authentic, would be a major victory for the 700 Club and the Lord.  "We've pretty much squeezed this lemon dry," he said of his viewers.  "You can only get so much money from the trailer park demographic, know what I mean?  Maher brings a fresh new set of viewers with very deep pockets.  I haven't seen the final negotiations, but it looks as though Maher and Robertson will take a 50:50 split of all call-in donations while Robertson prays and Maher rants against liberals and all those who have not accepted Jesus as their personal savior."