Thursday, September 20, 2012

Jesus and the 47%





And he gathered his disciples together and said, "I say unto you - well 47% of you anyway - that you have grown dependent on a handout. Verily, I say unto you, as you treat the least of these (except for the free-loading 47% - you know who you are) so do you do unto me. And those among you who are outcast, downtrodden, without taxable income - you are now uninterested in caring for yourself. And those who have much will have more as long they create jobs which they do not need to do until a Republican is president. And if you are struck on the cheek by an enemy, turn the other cheek, unless that enemy is a member of the 47%. Oh, wicked 47%ers, what profit you if you win a free meal but lose your potential for corporate personhood?


Jesus - at least the Jesus who comes to us through the oral tradition that was later written down, edited, rewritten in parts (there is no other Jesus) - was obviously speaking like someone who felt, as he put it, that the Kingdom of Heaven was nigh. His movement was essentially an apocalyptic one, predicting an end of the world as they knew it before some of his followers had tasted death, as he put it, meaning in their life times. Therefore, if your time horizon is contracted, your priorities change. You behave differently if you believe the ship is about to sink than if it will reach the port safely (and your kids' college bills are there waiting to be paid). Give everything away and get ready was essentially his message. Live as the birds in the field live, he said in Matthew, who do not (according to belief at that time anyway) gather food for the future but have faith they can find sufficient food each day. One of the essential difficulties with Christianity is that this short-term model is not viable long-term economically if taken literally, so a balance must be found, not just in my humble opinion, but in that of most of those who have identified themselves as Christians in the centuries that past after all his followers tasted death but the world was very much its old bloody, labor-demanding, investment-rewarding self.
Mitt Romney's solution to this problem seems essentially ignore it, pretending Jesus never said these things, or if he did, that he was just kidding. Hoard, invest, don't be bothered helping the poor who are, he tells us in a moment of candor, simply looking for a hand-out and will only be enabled by your helping them.
But Jesus did say these things and most of what he said had to do with such a radical view of wealth redistribution and personal material wealth (eschew it in favor of spiritual wealth) that he would never have been invited on Fox and Friends had it existed, Glenn Beck would have warned his listeners (viewers?) not to listen to his message, and O'Reilly would have devoted an entire season to bashing the War on Wealth launched by this long-haired hippie-looking Jewish teacher spreading a subversive message of class warfare.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Romney's Tortured View of Money, Logic, and What it Means to Pay Taxes


Links to the complete video of Mitt Romney's May 17th "47%" remarks were released along with a transcript and if you wade through the remarks, they raise all sorts of interesting questions.


The comment that got him in the most trouble was the 47% Mitt Romney will "never care about":
47% of Americans pay no income taxes. So our message of low taxes doesn't connect... And so my job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for for their lives. 
Wow. So if you don't pay federal income taxes, you are not taking personal responsibility or caring for your life?

The most interesting question is why he didn't disown his remarks immediately after they were made public. Not Mitt.  He seemed to endorse them, quibbling only that they were not elegantly expressed.   Not elegantly stating something is when you call your friend fat instead of "heavyset" or "stocky." Either way, you are still saying they are heavy.
Mitt just called 47% of the country dependent on the federal government (which is silly) and therefore (as night follows day) pro-Obama. I am not sure how he could have stated that more elegantly. The idea was rude (and baseless) not its expression.  (For the record, I neither depend on government aid, pay zero federal taxes (I pay a higher rate than Romney), but I do support President Obama.)
The issue is not that the video was put out there or even that it was taken but that Mitt Romney, a candidate for president of 100% of the people, actually said these things about 47% of the people he would like to represent. Instead of admitting that we got him and he really doesn't think those things (the "I was lying to a bunch of people to get $10,000 a plate from them" defense) he doubled down and essentially endorsed the idea, quibbling only about the elegance of its expression.

Romney has a very strange view of money. On one hand, he believes that his father's money played no role in defining him. His father's wealth and political connections had nothing to do with his wealth and political connections. (Why, he might even be better off if he were Mexican!)
On the other hand, if someone is poor,disabled, unemployed, or leaves the workforce to care for an elderly parent, the absence of taxable income automatically makes that person irresponsible and not caring for themselves.
So, to review, high family income has no effect on individual worth (meaning any financial success must come from some other factor, such as talent for hard work).  Low or modest family income, however, automatically means the person is irresponsible. (Even worse, it means they vote Democrat.)
When I hear Mitt Romney talk about the poor or even the middle class, he reminds me of an opinionated barber sounding off loudly about parts of the world he has never visited.  As David Brooks points out in his column Thurston Howell Romney:

It suggests that Romney doesn’t know much about the culture of America. Yes, the entitlement state has expanded, but America remains one of the hardest-working nations on earth. Americans work longer hours than just about anyone else. Americans believe in work more than almost any other people. Ninety-two percent say that hard work is the key to success, according to a 2009 Pew Research Survey.
It says that Romney doesn’t know much about the political culture. Americans haven’t become childlike worshipers of big government. On the contrary, trust in government has declined. The number of people who think government spending promotes social mobility has fallen.
The people who receive the disproportionate share of government spending are not big-government lovers. They are Republicans. They are senior citizens. They are white men with high school degrees. As Bill Galston of the Brookings Institution has noted, the people who have benefited from the entitlements explosion are middle-class workers, more so than the dependent poor.
Romney’s comments also reveal that he has lost any sense of the social compact. In 1987, during Ronald Reagan’s second term, 62 percent of Republicans believed that the government has a responsibility to help those who can’t help themselves. Now, according to the Pew Research Center, only 40 percent of Republicans believe that.



And what sort of view of taxes does Romney really have?  He is on record as saying that he pays not a dime more than he legally has to and I know from the tax record he has released that he pays a much lower marginal income tax rate that I do, but after months of being criticized for this low rate and what it might say about him as a person, it seems Romney actually agrees that there is a direct relationship between taxes paid and personal responsibility.
But having Romney lecture us about paying our fair share of income tax is like having George W. Bush lecture us about serving in the military in a time of war. These guys always act as though we are incapable of Googling them.

Here is a thought experiment: since Bush was working so hard to lower taxes and theoretically (if his rhetoric was true and these were not just tax cuts for the very rich) increasing the number of Americans at the margin who pay no income taxes, are the Republicans trying to increase the number of people who "are not taking personal responsibility or caring for" their life? If the Tea Party gets its way and government is shrunk to as close as zero as they can get it, doesn't that mean that most Americans will turn into deadbeats by Romney's definition of those who pay no taxes?  Is the Tea Party and the GOP therefore promoting irresponsibility?


Here is another thought experiment: if a population ages and a greater proportion is elderly, most of whom pay no income or low income taxes, does this mean that medical advances and the care of our elders create personal responsibility? Is a society with less advanced medical care and no social security or Medicare equivalent more personally responsible therefore? Should a medical researcher be discouraged from developing the next generation of artificial hip or a cancer drug out of fear that such developments are mathematically guaranteed to make the number of irresponsible people not caring for their lives rise, all things being equal?
Ditto for abortion: consider that most terminated pregnancies are unplanned for and unwanted. If forced to bring every pregnancy to term, the resultant children would be much more likely to be poor and a net consumer of federal, state, and local resources. By Mitt's logic, these children are irresponsible and not caring for their lives. So is Mitt Romney making a case for abortion? Or does he think he will encourage a pregnant woman to carry an unintended pregnancy to term by calling her and her child irresponsible and not caring for her life?


But in another setting, Romney tells us that he would have been better off Mexican.  Yes. If he were Mexican and he could find someone like his dad who paid for his private school, tutors, college, law school, and bought his house for him. And if no one discriminated against him along the way or asked to see his papers then got a little trigger happy when he was reaching for them. If he didn't "self deport" out of frustration for Arizona's discriminatory immigration laws White Guy Mitt supports. That sort of thing.

It's a very strange world where someone with ideas so offensive is polling at 45%.

Monday, September 10, 2012

It's amazing that certain people continue to get paid to say such stupid things:

 

Monsieur Robertson, Jesus, if he could be said to have any party affiliation, was a socialist. Religious conservatives are hostile to socialism (and have a soft spot for fascism and militarism) only because of a quirk of recent history. Marx and Engels were indifferent to religion (calling it the opiate of the masses was not a bad thing in an age in which some tincture of opium was in every active medicine) and the communists in Russia, then later China, showed overt hostility, feeling - with some justification - that religion seemed more interested in self-preservation than in progress. But this is a silly, recent quirk; Jesus and Amos and a whole host of Jewish prophets would never have been invited on Fox and Friends for the left-leaning tendencies.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

No Apology: This Book is Terrible - a Review of Romney's Opus for Americanus Terribulus

The first questions begged by this book's title is who is apologizing and who is making the argument that America should not be great.  It's a bit like titling a book, The Case for My Daughter's Being Valedictorian.  What father would not like his daughter to excel and who would make a cogent argument against such excellence?  But greatness of any sort must be earned, not argued for.  I love America, but imagine the Australians, Japanese, and Swiss love their countries also.  What Romney argues in this book is not that America should be great but that it should use its military and economic might to win greatness whether it has earned it or not.
He begins with a quotation from an unlikely source, Dwight Eisenhower, the man who warned us of the dangers of a perpetual war footing that Candidate Romney seems to think is just swell, even coining the phrase "military industrial congressional complex" (he left the congressional part out at the last minute considering it was Congress after all he was going to be giving his warning-laced farewell address to).  "We must be ready to dare all for our country," Ike intones from the frontispiece of Romney's book.  Wow.  Coming from a man who did not even serve in our country's military and who has consistently argued that having to pay 13% or so to his country in taxes is unfair, I can hardly wait for how Romney reconciles the bold words of the Supreme Allied Commander with the comfortable, fabulously wealthy lifestyle of Willard Romney.
We must secure our "freedom, peace, and prosperity" he tells us.  How?  "By strengthening America."  A sentence later he circles back, saying with no more clarity that a strong America will enjoy prosperity following a period of hardship.  He implies we are in a period of hardship as great as the Civil War, World War I or II, and that - perhaps with the help of his book - we can rise up and do it!  What remains unclear, but he spews out these general tautologies with the breathlessness of someone saying Something Really Important.
His idea of hardship sounds almost insulting to Americans struggling to feed children or find healthcare:  pulling weeds on his admittedly "prosperous" estate as a child.  
He borrows from his father's story and grandfather's story, morphing it into his own.  My grandfather left behind his possessions once in Mexico so somehow that should make Mitt understand the middle class today.  My dad made the cover of Time Magazine, turning GM around, so gosh golly that shows that if you trust me, I'll turn America around too.  From what exactly?
Romney launches into a rambling survey of American history.   Ronald Reagan and George H. W. Bush won the cold war, he tells us, ignoring the role played by millions of nonviolent demonstraters who courageously rose up in Eastern Europe and later the Soviet Union without any assistance from us (giving a single rousing speech doesn't count).   He also ignores the role played by the mujahadin, including one Osama bin Laden, in bleeding the Russians dry in Afghanistan and showing the futility of even the mightiest of superpowers against determined Islamic fighters not afraid to die.
Like many people ungraced by military experience, Romney seems to believe military might (or "greatness") is a matter of counting things that go boom.  He is particularly keen on counting boats.  George Washington had few ships; the British had many.  We now have "over one hundred ships" fewer in our navy.  Ipso facto, we must be less great.
A single astonishing paragraph illustrates everything that is wrong with this book and by extension the man trying to sell himself through it.  On page 9, he summarizes the greatest economic expansion in human history that took place under President Clinton (although you would never know it since Romney does not name him) as "in some ways, we advanced as a nation during these years."  But did we really, he asks?  We decreased our military by 400,000 troops, got rid of those ships and "more ominously, we gutted our human intelligence capabilities."  As a former military intelligence officer, this is news to me, unless he is referring to the dozens of Arab linguists fired because they were gay, a policy Romney supported until recently.  Somehow - in the same paragraph! - he goes from this sweeping indictment of our military and intelligence services to a tongue-clucking musing about teen pregnancy, drug use, and pornography.  In the mind of Romney, these are somehow related, as though a sweaty encounter in the backseat of a car is made more likely because we have fewer ships in our fleet.
He dismisses the massive Wall Street-inspired meltdown of 2008 as a "panic" and the modestly increased financial regulation still bogged down in committee or stripped of any real teeth as "intemperate actions."  But maddeningly, as is true throughout the book and the campaign, Romney offers no specifics.  This is barbershop politics, the finger-wagging lament of a wealthy white man who believes he is among friends and can let loose with a tirade of stereotypes - untethered to any real facts - about how the country is going to hell now that a black man runs it.
So what would have Romney have done in 2008 that was not "intemperate" and what evidence does he have that it would have been as successful at stopping the financial implosion then reversing it?  He doesn't say.  He just says it would work, trust him on this one, just like Pop's plan worked at General Motors.
What exactly is he saying in a sentence like this:  "It is time for America to pursue the difficult course ahead, to confront the looming problems, to strengthen the foundations of our prosperity, and to secure the sources of our liberty and safety"?   Good thing Mitt thought of it (whatever it is) and isn't it just awful that the Obama administration (by implication) is doing none of these things, or not doing them effectively?  If you're not asleep by the end of this sentence, you're disappointed to have stayed awake for this pulp.
America is sick, he seems to be saying, so sick that it requires a radical treatment, although he is as vague about this treatment or its probability of success as he is about the diagnosis or why we should abandon the current treatment plan which - although far from perfect - is at least moving in the right direction.
Those on the far right (although Romney was once moderate, he is now courting the far right who dominate the Republican party, so must talk and write like one) have an unenviable problem:  they must make the case that the country is in terrible shape while not appearing to be defeatist or even anti-American.  They must criticize the federal government while making clear that somehow that does not mean that they hate the country of America which by their definition ignores the one out of five Americans working for or supported by the federal government, including the military they profess to love.  They must play up the fact we have not recovered completely from the horrific mess President Obama inherited without reminding voters who created that mess.  They must never mention Bush and hope everyone just forgets that Romney's antidote to what ails us - deregulation and lower taxes - is what got us in this mess in the first place.   Romney also has a far larger philosophical problem that he does not even begin to tackle in this book:  why we should trust a party that alleges government can do nothing right to run said government.

The Poetry of Sarah Palin


Sarah Palin's run-on sentences are longer than mine (but reach no conclusion).  They make excellent poetry however.  Consider the following based on a completely unedited, straight-up Palinism:


My name? Like me -- I had known what I was doing
  by
Sarah Palin

I think
   he diminished himself by
     even mentioning
       my name.
How does he even know
       my name?
I mean
   aren’t these guys
      supposed to be these
         big
         wig elites
            who don’t waste their time on
the little people
        like me --
me
   representing the
      average American who,
   yeah
      I did say
         in Alaska you can see Russia
             from our land
                base and
      I was making
          the point that
             we are strategically located
             on the globe and when it comes to
                   transportation corridors and
                   resources that are
                        shared and
                        fought over [in] Alaska and
      I as the governor
          had known what I was doing in
             dealing with
                 some
                     international issues that
                     had to do with our
                           resources that
                               could
                                  help
                                     secure
                                        the nation.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Declaration of Religious Independence - A Proposal


The Declaration of Independence was a response to interference by King George III in the affairs of American life. Today we face a similar threat from the religious right. The Declaration of Independence was a set of grievances against King George; I believe we need a similar declaration against the attempt, usually not so subtle, to impose an extreme religious view point not widely shared on all Americans. Presented herewith is a proposed Declaration of Religious Independence. Nothing in this document would have been controversial among the Enlightenment thinkers our founders considered themselves - with some justification - to be. - MV


Declaration of Religious Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident:  

That no issue is more divisive among otherwise intelligent, compassionate, reasonable men and women than religion;
That in a pluralistic society of many faiths including none at all, our founders were wise to create a secular republic rather than a theocracy;
That if the founders intended a theocracy, they would have mentioned god - even once - in the Constitution.  Had they intended a Christian theocracy, they would have mentioned Jesus Christ - even once - in the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, or any of the Federalist Papers (as it turns out, they did not);  
That when George Washington and John Adams wrote that the United States is "in no way a Christian nation" they meant that we are in no way a Christian nation and not something else;
That Article VI of the Constitution forbidding any "religious test" as a qualification for any office or public trust means just that;
That the only legitimate role of government in religion is to have no role except to protect the rights of all citizens to worship freely or not at all as their consciences see fit unless when to do so will materially harm or endanger their fellow citizens;
That questions of metaphysics such as the existence of god or gods and what to call him are deeply personal matters over which intelligent people have the sacred right to disagree;
That despite our differences over unprovable metaphysical questions, we can agree on certain universal ethical principles the fruits of which are tangible and real. These include honesty, humility, kindness, charity, forgiveness, and fairness.   
That the core ethical teachings of all religions and secular belief systems, however imperfectly, hold a common ideal of ethical reciprocity - do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and do not do unto others as you would not have them do unto you.
That government should never have the power to uphold or protect one religion over another since the power to show preference today is the power to persecute tomorrow.  
That those chosen for high office should be judged based on what they do rather than what they say they believe.   Men and women who engage in good behavior have no need to tell us they are good; their actions speak for themselves.  The launching of an unjust war or the execution of an innocent should never be excused because the person engaging in these acts claims to be acting on divine authority.  
That we all have the right to believe or follow a divine authority or six or none at all, but those who believe that  loyalty to an unseen deity trumps loyalty to their constituents or the Constitution should disclose this up front and not take vows they cannot keep to uphold and protect a Constitution they hold subordinate to other documents not ratified or endorsed by the people;
That there is a difference between choosing personally not to engage in a particular behavior and banning that behavior for all citizens of all faiths at all times.  Law-makers who personally would never eat pork or seek an abortion should not  attempt to to impose kosher dietary laws or abortion prohibition simply because of their religious affiliation or belief.   They represent their constituents not their own personal beliefs, and their primary loyalty as government officials must be to the Constitution not an unelected foreign official who has no authority over the American legislative or judicial process.   
That public bullying or intimidation of lawmakers of a particular faith by unelected officials of that faith has no place in a nation of laws.  If an archbishop does not wish to give communion to an elected official if he represents his constituents, he should discuss this private matter with his parishioner, not hold a press conference to intimidate others into obedience.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence or none at all, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Ascension: FAQ

Ascension


I received the following email from the US Mission in Geneva:

Did You Know?
In Switzerland, Ascension is celebrated on a Thursday, 40 days after Easter Sunday, though in other Roman Catholic areas, it may be celebrated the following Sunday. It commemorates the ascension of the resurrected Jesus into heaven and is a traditional feast day. Ascension is a public holiday in Switzerland and France; the U.S. Mission and many stores will be closed on Thursday, May 17.
Enjoy your Current Geneva Talks!
Thanks,
Community Liaison Office (CLO)


Although I appreciate a holiday as much as anyone, as an American I am always uncomfortable with having the state granting overtly religious holidays by law to all workers regardless of faith (the only religious holiday in the United States is Christmas).  So it got me thinking - what is this Ascension business and how did it come about?

What is Ascension?

It is the day 40 days following the death of Jesus that "Christ was raised up by his own powers" bodily into Heaven.  When I asked what he was doing the 40 days prior, I got a shrug or a sympathetic tongue clucking from my more religiously-oriented friends.
The Encyclopedia Britannica describes it thus:  

In Christian belief, the ascent of Jesus Christ into heaven on the 40th day after his Resurrection (Easter being reckoned as the first day). According to the first chapter of The Acts of the Apostles, after appearing to the Apostles on various occasions during a period of 40 days, Jesus was taken up in their presence and was then hidden from them by a cloud, a frequent biblical image signifying the presence of God. Although belief in the Ascension is apparent in other books of the New Testament, the emphasis and the imagery differ. In The Gospel According to John, the glorification described by the Ascension story seems to have taken place immediately after the Resurrection. The imagery of the account in The Gospel According to Luke is similar to that of Acts, but there is no mention of a period of 40 days.
The meaning of the Ascension for Christians is derived from their belief in the glorification and exaltation of Jesus following his death and Resurrection, as well as from the theme of his return to the Father. Thus, The Gospel According to John uses both the sayings of Jesus and his post-Resurrection appearances to indicate a new relationship between Jesus and his Father and between him and his followers, rather than a simple physical relocation from earth to heaven.
… Christ “was lifted up into heaven so that he might make us partakers of his Godhead.”

If Ascension is so important, it must be mentioned in multiple places in the Bible, right?

Not really.  Acts, which was believed to be written by Luke in 70-90 of the Common Era, is the main source of this feast and its dating.  (John describes the ascension as occurring as part of the resurrection).   Acts is a rather odd work in a strange collection of works, but it raises more questions than it answers for a modern skeptic.  To wit,
    Acts 2:31 implies that Jesus was in hell.  

2:31 He seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell, neither his flesh did see corruption.

Whatever for?  He was supposedly a perfect human being and according to Christians (but not, notably, by Jesus himself) the only son of Yahweh.  Why would a father allow his son not just to be tortured to death for a crime he didn't commit, but then do nothing post-mortem while he was in hell?  And how can the resurrection which occurred the Sunday following a Friday execution be so glorious if after all, Jesus did not actually rise into heaven for another 40 days (the Christians actually don't count the days post-mortem, only the days since Easter)?  This all seems rather dragged out and anticlimactic and frankly a little weird.  What did he do all this time except appear to some of his disciples, showing them his wounds to prove it was him, then going away again?  To where exactly?   
At any rate, he was raised up:

2:32 This Jesus hath God raised up, whereof we all are witnesses.

But the details are skimpy.  There were only 120 believers (according to Acts) until they started talking about this ascension business, and it got the crowd so worked up, they all agreed to become baptized, not in the name of Yahweh as Jesus and John the Baptizer did, but in the name now of Jesus.  This shot up their numbers by 2,500% in a day.  Being "amazed" or witness to something that could not be explained by people at the time (a burning bush comes to mind) seemed tantamount to proving that everything else you allege must be true, which is an interesting premise that any visitor to a Las Vegas magic show might understand but would have to deny. 
They went around doing magic, Peter did a little faith-healing (3:2-3:8).   Acts goes on to make some of the more virulent antisemitic charges, alleging that Pontius Pilate was determined to release Jesus (3:13) but "ye" meaning apparently the Jews "killed the Prince of Life" (3:15).   It rambles on in this way, alleging that the "prophet" whom god will make rise up among their people should be blindly obeyed or else "every soul, which will not hear that prophet, shall be destroyed from among the people." 
Again, Christians take the selected words and predictions of Jewish prophets and leaders who died centuries before Jesus was born and use those words - almost always so general as to be useless in terms of making concrete predictions or settling arguments that were sure to arise among later generations, often with lethal effects - to "prove" that Jesus was the messiah (messenger) predicted by Moses et al.  The only problem (for historians, not for the propagators of this new faith) is that by the time these claims were made, Moses and all the others were long dead.  Using Moses as an example, several possibilities exist: 

  - Moses as such never existed but was a mythical character, a mixture of legend, and a mix of actual Jewish leaders, so there was no actual Moses to say anything of the sort; 
  - Moses existed but was misquoted; 
  - Moses existed and was accurately quoted but was not talking about Jesus (the stance taken by the vast majority of Jews);
  - Moses existed, was somehow able to conjure up the figure of Jesus in his crystal ball, but was simply wrong.  There are plenty of well-meaning, convincing people who are wrong about predictions made for what will happen tomorrow; why should this be any less true for someone making predictions that will occur many centuries hence? 
 
The tone of Acts like that of much of the New Testament is a strange blend of apocalyptic despair tinged with hope of personal salvation if one repents and turns away from the "wicked generation" that did not properly follow Yahweh's mitzvahs.  It is no coincidence perhaps that the Republicans - who have mixed their interpretation of Christianity more nakedly and overtly with the political process - learned from this stunningly successful marketing combination:  first make them afraid, convince them of some external threat, then offer them confidently a recipe for avoiding personal annihilation or worse.   People when frightened will agree with plans they would consider absurd if they were not. 
At any rate it's quite clear that the world did not end 2,000 years ago and if a Kingdom of Heaven was ushered in by this new offshoot of Judaism, it would seem hard to convince any student of the Crusades, vicious religious wars that tore Europe apart, witch hunts, pogroms, and the Holocaust, all of which trace their roots to the idea that god took human form and came once to a particular place and time, wasn't recognized, was killed, but somehow even in being murdered was suffering so that those who recognized him (even post-mortem) would not have to suffer after they died.  

What are some commonly confused Christian holidays?

I don't know if they are commonly confused, but I certainly find the following 3 events that all begin in A and end in -tion or -sion to be confusing.   The Assumption is only celebrated by Catholics and disputed by Protestants and Eastern Orthodox:

Annunciation

in Christianity, the announcement by the angel Gabriel to the Virgin Mary that she would conceive a Son of the Holy Spirit to be called Jesus (Luke 1:26–38); falls on March 25; the New Year was dated on this date until 1750.

Ascension  

in Christian belief, the ascent of Jesus Christ into heaven on the 40th day after his Resurrection (Easter being reckoned as the first day).

Assumption

Roman Catholic doctrine that Mary was assumed into heaven upon her death; there is
  no mention of this in the New Testament; the Assumption is
  not considered a revealed truth so is disputed by Protestants and Eastern Orthodox (the latter less so)


How did this occur?

In the West, starting around the 5th century according to the Encyclopedia Britannica, Christ is shown from the side, climbing a hill, then grabbing the hand of god reaching down from a cloud to pull him up.  The apostles watch from below.
In Syria in the 6th century, they imagined it differently, showing Jesus from the front, holding a scroll and making a blessing gesture while he is lifted by angels.  They add Mary (who was not mentioned in the biblical account of this event) as well as Paul, who had never met Jesus and did not have his vision on the way to Damascus that made him flip from Christian persecutor to Christian salesman-in-chief.  
This particular depiction followed the "Roman tradition of representing the apotheosis of an emperor."  
By the 11th century, the Western artists started to imagine the event with a frontal Jesus, extending his hands to display his wounds.  Angels might or might not be present, indicating a third means of propulsion:  Jesus's own power.  
Many Renaissance and Baroque art focused on the ascension with lots of gory (and generally anatomically inaccurate) wounds.  


When was it developed?

There is no written evidence of the celebration until 4 centuries after Jesus was executed, but Augustine wrote of it in such a way that implied it went back to the early days of the Church.  It may have been celebrated in combination with Easter.  
At one point, its practice was banned; the Council of Elvira in 300 condemned the practice of feasting on the 40th day following Easter (if one neglected to keep Pentecost on the 50th day).  
Ascensio is the Latin term at the root of ascension, meaning rising.  
At any rate, there is evidence that this conception was borrowed, as were many Christian traditions, from popular pagan traditions and beliefs.  As Richard Dawkins puts it:

Matthew and Luke [are the] only two evangelists who treat the birth of Jesus at all.  Robert Gillooly shows how all the essential features of the Jesus legend, including the Star in the East, the Virgin birth, the veneration of the baby by kings, the miracles, the execution, the resurrection of the Ascension are borrowed -- every last one of them -- from other religions already in existence in the Mediterranean and near East region. ... Luke's desire to adapt Christianity for the Gentiles, and hence to press the familiar hot buttons of pagan Hellenistic religions (virgin birth, worshiped by kings, etc.)...

When is it celebrated?

Western Christianity:  
April 30-June 3 based on how Easter is calculated.  
Catholics in countries that don't observe the feast as a public holiday were given permission by the Pope to move the feast from Thursday to the following Sunday, to allow working Catholics to remain in compliance with Vatican decrees.
This switch occurred in 1992 in Australia, before 1996 in many parts of Europe, 1996 in Ireland, and before 1998 in Canada and some western United States and in England and Wales in 2007.

Eastern Christianity:
May 13- June 17 (in the Western calendar) based on how it is calculated.
They call it in Greek Analepsis, the "taking up", and also as the Episozomene, the "salvation from on high."
Since the Eastern Orthodox Church calculates Easter differently, they will usually celebrate it later than the Western church.
This is the time for the blessing of beans and grapes.

How is it celebrated?

Feasts and vigils mostly.  There might be a parade.  
The Easter Candle is extinguished.
The English used to carry a banner with a lion and a dragon, symbolizing the triumph of Jesus over "the evil one."  
Some churches had a dramatic reenactment where they would hoist a figure of Jesus above the altar and through a hole in the roof of the church.  Others added to this by having a devil guy go down at the same time.
England used to like to "beat the bounds" meaning, having parish members walk the parish boundaries, marking stones with chalk and then hitting them with sticks.  
At one time, they might have hit the young boys of the parish rather than stones.   The reason for this was that parishes had legal responsibility only for children born within the parish boundaries, and the beating was thought to be a warning to the young men of the parish to have sex with girls and women outside the parish if they were going to have sex out of wedlock, so the parish would not have the financial liability.  
In Florence a dove would slide down a string from the high altar to set off a vat of fireworks in front of the main entrance of the cathedral.  


Sources:
-  Acts, Skeptics Annotated Bible.
-  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feast_of_the_Ascension
- "Ascension." Encyclopædia Britannica. Deluxe Edition.  Chicago: Encyclopædia Britannica, 2008.
- Dawkins, Richard, God Delusion, Bantam Books, 2006.

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